This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. Geoffrey R. Jonas will be awarding a $10 Amazon/BN gift card to a randomly drawn winner. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.
A young woman dies alone in a hotel room, her fentanyl-poisoned cocaine still on the desk. She had been missing for nearly 2 weeks. Social Services had been trying to find a place for her to live with her 3-year-old son, whom she had left with her parents. Six months later her father fights for his life in intensive care, but succumbs to his illness because of a lifelong use of alcohol and tobacco. A month after his death her mother is assessed by doctors to be unable to care for herself because of her Alzheimer's and mental health issues brought on by benzodiazepine and alcohol addiction.The son, brother, stepson is the only one left to pick up the pieces. He begins a journey of the self and finds out the truth of his family. After going over letters, notes, emails, videos, and text messages, he uncovers a disturbing picture of the abuse his sister suffered at the hands of their parents. He also begins to better understand his own struggles with mental health and substance addiction because of the trauma and abuse he also suffered from their parents.Follow the son as he looks through his family history to discover the generational abuse that trickled down through the years. Learn about how parents who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder emotionally abuse and manipulate their children. See how the abuse and trauma becomes mental illness in the abused, and how they fall into vicious traps of addiction, eating disorders, self-harm, and complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Witness the transformational change of the son as he works on the recovery of his inner child and tries to become the man he was meant to be.
Read an Excerpt
Essay: Fault vs. Responsibility and Blame
Before I continue, I wanted to interject a discussion on fault versus responsibility and blame. My ability to have forgiven my father all came down to a discussion with my therapist on whether they were at fault for my trauma, or if they were responsible or to blame for that trauma.
Human beings are not born with instincts. A baby left on its own will die. It will not search for food, it will not try to move or walk, and its only means of communication are cries. Many animals are born with instincts, such as marsupials or rodents that instinctively move to a mammary gland or an ungulate that will attempt to get up and walk or move, as soon as it is able, to find food.
With this truth in mind, the conclusion is that all human behaviour is learned from our caretakers, then our peers as we get older. Early childhood development dictates that children learn behavioural responses as soon as they are engaged by a caregiver. If we give them love and support, they develop healthy adaptations to the world around them. If their cries are unheeded and we leave them abandoned and rejected, a myriad of mental health issues will emerge as they get older.
This leads to how we apply fault vs. blame to behaviour and choices people make as they get older. We can’t fault a child for being racist if that is what their caregiver taught them; however, we can blame them for their actions if they are cruel and make the choice to harm others because of what they learned.
Further, we cannot fault an individual that suffers from a serious mental health issue if they have learned that adaptive behaviour due to not being provided with the proper love and support as they were developing. Again, however, we can blame them for making choices that cause harm to others. It is not their fault that their learned behaviours condition them to make poor choices, but they are still choices that have consequences.
This is a key factor in generational abuse and trauma. A child that grows up in an abusive home develops poor adaptive skills and behaviours. This can lead to all kinds of poor coping skills such as abusive behaviour towards others, self-harm, eating disorders, Substance Use Disorders, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and an array of other mental health issues.
However, these disorders are treatable. It is critical that once we identify these types of behaviours, the individual begins a process of treatment and therapy to unlearn them and develop healthy ones instead. This took me years, and it is a lot of work. Many cannot do so without the proper support structures to allow it to happen. It is vital that treatment happens to end the generational cycle of abuse.
About the Author: Geoffrey is a first-time author. He lives peacefully by a lake, spending his time writing, painting, gardening, and woodworking. His recovery is ongoing, and he enjoys his privacy and seclusion.
Website: https://geoffreyrjonas.ca
Amazon: https://a.co/d/eJTO4wq
