Brandi Haas brings her trademark wit from her popular blog to this new collection, sharing stories of birthday party mayhem, mommy martyrdom, and snow shoveling majesty.
The setting is Anytown, USA, among barking dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors. You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps!
Tales from Suburbia will make you laugh, warm your heart, and let you know you're not alone. Mothers (and fathers) will recognize themselves, their children, and the absurd situations that family life brings to us all.
CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN OF DEATH
I seldom fall victim to Pinterest, but on this rare occasion, I looked at pictures of tea parties for little girls. The cuteness was almost overwhelming. My daughter loved the idea, which only fueled my enthusiasm. Even my husband was not immune to the excitement and he quickly joined in with the planning.
“How about a chocolate fountain?” he asked with a smile.
Chocolate flowing from an exquisite fountain sitting in the center of a beautifully decorated table. What could possibly go wrong with that, I thought.
“That’s a great idea, honey!” I exclaimed and began a painstaking search of Amazon for the perfect chocolate-oozing birthday party accessory.
What I envisioned as six little girls daintily dipping strawberries and chunks of pound cake into flowing chocolate ended up being the worst idea ever conceived. The chocolate fountain itself turned out to be a poorly-constructed, steel and plastic contraption spewing chocolate out of tiered orifices while making a grinding noise that sounded a lot like a sixteen-year-old learning to drive a stick shift.
A deranged group of six-year-olds hovered around the fountain clutching sharpened sticks in their hands ready to impale fruits, marshmallows and my husband’s inconveniently placed hand. But the worst was the double dipping. I watched as kid after kid shoved a strawberry into the chocolate, took a small bite, then thrust the bacteria-infested berry back into the chocolate. I was certain that a new outbreak of dysentery was about to sweep through our neighborhood because of this wretched chocolate fountain. I could almost hear the accusatory whispers, “Isn’t that the lady who gave all the kids on Tawny Drive diarrhea for a month? Yes, if she offers you chocolate, run away.”
Tell us about your book, what inspired it?
It’s a collection of humorous short stories about parenthood and life in the suburbs. When my daughter started kindergarten, I began writing about my life and all the humor I see in it.
Which character is your favourite and why?
The main character is basically me, so I think she’s my favorite. She’s funny and sarcastic and isn’t afraid to make a fool of herself.
What was the hardest part to write in this book?
I think the hardest part was when I would already be in bed for the night and suddenly a great idea would come to me and I would have to make the decision of whether to get out of bed and write or try to hang onto the idea until the morning. I usually got out of bed, which is why that was the hardest part.
What should readers expect when they pick up your book?
They should expect to laugh, to cry, and to see themselves reflected in my words. Parenthood is a universal experience that bonds anyone who has a child—this book shows parents that they are not alone in the frustration and joy parenting brings.
Where is the best place you’ve traveled to?
Mt. Rushmore, without a doubt. It’s right here in our own backyard and is absolutely amazing to behold.
How long have you been writing?
I have been writing since I was in the second grade. I have always loved the art of story telling and I have always keep a journal of story ideas.
What sacrifices have you had to make to be a writer?
I have burnt dinner on more than one occasion because I got very into a story. But I guess that is more of the sacrifice my family makes for my writing because they still ate it.
Have you started your next project?
Yes, I am writing more tales from suburbia—more stories about the hilarity that lurks in subdivisions.
Any last words?
Check out my book, Tales from Suburbia: You Don’t Have to be Crazy to Live Here, But it Helps, and get ready to laugh.
Thanks and great success with your book.
In kindergarten, I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up. My answer was a neatly written sentence: “I want to write a book about a story.”
The joy I find in writing has never waned. I find humor in all that I see and live my life secure in the knowledge that everything is funny. And now after an amazing ten years of teaching, I find myself wife to the world’s best doctor, mother to the sweetest daughter, caretaker to one wonder mutt and countless ill-fated goldfish and ready to write again. Our residence is Anytown, USA, among barking dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors and these are my stories.
Brandi Haas will be awarding $30 Amazon/BN Gift card to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour, and a $20 Amazon/BN Gift card to a randomly drawn host.